bullying

THE AGITATION OF RENNY SNEED

W4$TheAgitationCover400Since I’m a persistent son of a gun, due to the unpopularity of my last novel, the sex comedy, THE GENERAL STORE, I’ve decided to foist another ebook upon my massive fan base. This time it’s YA fiction. The book is called THE AGITATION OF RENNY SNEED.

All my books come to me in a flash. THE AGITATION OF RENNY SNEED was no exception. I was sitting in a high school auditorium, listening to a concert, thinking about the Sandy Hook tragedy, when this book hit me, including its title. In the following days, I wrote THE AGITATION OF RENNY SNEED. I then shelved it because I wasn’t sure it was fit for publication. I was concerned about offending victims of school violence, especially since THE AGITATION OF RENNY SNEED was written for a young adult audience. But, after reading it a couple times, I think the book’s message outweighs its story. Ultimately, I’ll leave it to others to be the judge. I’d allow my teenagers to read it, but I never said I was a great parent…The good news is I’m fairly certain THE AGITATION OF RENNY SNEED is less offensive than my 5-star religious satire, BILLY GRIST, but what isn’t?

This all being said, at this exact moment, I feel my prior publication concerns are misplaced. For in the end, I figure, THE AGITATION OF RENNY SNEED is just a book. Thus, like any book, it can be put down like a rabid dog. No read. No foul.

Hopefully, all this false angst has piqued your interest. If so, read on, for below is the blurb for THE AGITATION OF RENNY SNEED, which has been written to inspire related commerce at Amazon.com. Please note when purchasing THE AGITATION OF RENNY SNEED, all income will go directly to me, an independent author seeking to fulfill his life-long dream of generating enough royalty income to purchase an AM/FM clock radio, and a cranberry leisure suit.

THE AGITATION OF RENNY SNEED

Renny Sneed is trying to survive ninth grade, but the odds are against him. He’s tiny, and he lacks social skills. Plus, he has a squeaky voice, crooked teeth, acne, and a brother who ignores him. Even worse, the Snarp twins, mindless jocks, are bullying Renny, and nobody seems to care. The situation appears to be hopeless, but then the noble son of an Iraq war veteran arrives at school, a Texan named Johnny Goldin. Johnny befriends Renny, and Renny experiences happiness for the first time in his life. But, the good times are cut short by a tragedy.

Alone and scared, Renny turns to the adults in his life, but they don’t sense his desperation. Among the clueless is Renny’s stepdad, Dewey Grint. Dewey is a doomsday prepper who is too worried about the upcoming global apocalypse to help his lost stepson. Depressed, Renny turns to his long-time imaginary friend, and X-box avatar, Sergeant Bark, for help. Ever ready and ultra-confident, the good sergeant assures Renny all his problems can be easily resolved via the liberal application of automatic weaponry. And soon thereafter, the battle begins. After watching SpongeBob, and eating a good breakfast, of course…

From the author of BILLY GRIST, THE AGITATION OF RENNY SNEED is a young adult novella. It contains 25,000 words, slightly less than THE OLD MAN AND THE SEA. It is rated PG-13.

Bad Advice Available Here!

I’m not sure I should continue writing a blog that provides ebook publishing advice because I’m fairly certain I don’t meet the basic criteria for being an authority of any sort. I say this because I really don’t care about many things and I especially don’t care about the things most indies authors seem to discuss ad nasueum, such as the Amazon ranking algorithm and the best price for an ebook. (We all know the sad truth is most indie’s sell the same amount of ebooks, whether they’re priced at $0.99 or $1,000,000.00. Zippo.) I guess what I’m saying is, I’m not good at nuance. I like the direct approach in resolving all matters. So, to increase ebook sales my sole advice is to write a better book. Obviously, this is incredibly poor advice for we all know, via Walmart, that quality no longer has anything to do with sales. I’m sorry. I admit it. I’m a terrible ebook publishing blogger for writing a better book is the only advice I can offer.

Further proof of my lack of qualification in providing any form of quality advice became abundantly clear to me last week when my son approached me for guidance.

“Dad,” he said. “This kid at school keeps kicking me.”

Not being a complete idiot, although close, I asked for details.

“This kid kicks me as hard as he can every day before I enter home room,” my boy says. He then shows me a bruise on his shin.

A thinking Dad would have said, “I’m sorry, son. Let me call the principal, we’ll get this kid in a room with his parents and sort this thing out. Don’t worry, son. Your Dad will take care of this…”

To be truthful this thought never entered my vacuous head. My guess is I subconsciously hate attending a love-in to resolve conflict.
“Boys will be boys,” the principal would inevitably say. The parents of the bully would then attribute their son’s bad behavior to the recent death of his hamster, gluten, seasonal allergies or sleep depravation due to a Sponge Bob Marathon. We’d then laugh about the stupid shit we did when we were kids, shake hands, and then drive home singing our favorite Beach Boys tunes, near delirious due to our parental excellence.

Unfortunately, I could not muster any thinking appropriate for our times, so instead I said, doing my best Sean Connery imitation, “The next time this kid kicks you. Kick him back harder.” For the record, I did not say “kick the little bastard until he bleeds.”

It’s was about 2 o’clock the same day when I got the call from the school. I was informed my immediate presence was necessary and not optional. “It was something about my son…”

I drove to the school. Confident my son was alive, I kept the Beach Boys playing.

When I arrived I was told to enter the conference room. Inside was the school principal, my son, and the town’s police chief.

“Howdy Chief,” I said. “If this is about the fund raiser, I’m sorry. I promise to give next year.”

The Chief did not laugh.

“My son,” I was told had been involved in an assault.

“Really,” I said. “Not possible.”

The discussion then got into who kicked who first. My son won the argument. Shit, the kid is incredible and fearless when it comes to holding his ground.
After lots of talk the room fell silent. Everyone was waiting for me to comment.

“Listen Chief,” I said. “I told my son if this kid kicks you again, kick him back. I did not tell him to break his jaw and then stuff him into a recycling container…”

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