12 Jul 2014
Hi all. I’m writing to update you on my authoring adventure and share some good news. Believe it or not, thanks to The Awkward Detective: The Bone Donor, now available at Amazon.com for ninety-nine cents, I have already met my 2014 financial objective of earning enough royalty income to purchase an AM/FM clock radio.
What can I tell you? Greed is good.
Yesterday, after hours of online shopping I purchased a SONY, model ICFC218.
I went with the ICFC218 because it has big numbers, which I need, for something has happened to my vision in recent years that has limited my perception of detail. In fact, without using my sense of smell, regardless of distance, I would not be able to pick Gisele Bundchen out of a police line-up that included: Peter Lorre, Elmo, a naked cowboy, and Alan Dershowitz.
My parents, god rest their souls, told me to never brag. But, it is difficult given the extent of my success. In 2013, I far exceeded my expectations by earning enough royalty income to purchase a Taco Meal for Five. And now, with almost a half a year to go, I’m in possession have my precious AM/FM clock radio. Life is good!
If I was ever asked what has led to my astounding success, having written 6 novels in 2 years, I would be tempted to attribute my stardom to hard work, but the truth is it’s all about greed-fueled ambition – the want of material things!
Having made this admission, my greed is in need of a new target. Thus, the time has come for me to set my 2015 financial goal (or risk never writing another word.)
Selecting my new goal has been a difficult task, but after much thought, I’ve decided upon a theme of self-aggrandizement, a variation of self-promotion, in selecting the next object of my desire.
Originally, I was going to go with a “W4$” ass tattoo. But I after considerable thought, I abandoned this goal for I feared the inevitable revelation of this artwork, inch above my furry ass crack, would likely result in the total loss of my fan base.
Consequently, moving forward, I’ve decided to pursue a “W4$” Mr. T Starter Kit, to include: a W4$ diamond studded tooth grill and a gold ganstah necklace anchored by a W4$ logo, containing, at minimum, 1 troy ounce of pure gold.
In response to your screams of “Impossible Wright! Don’t do it! Be more realistic!” I counter with the prediction that the second installment in my Awkward Detective series,THE CHIPMUNK FACTOR, due out this Christmas, will be a hit, making my dreams of being the next Lil Wayne+ come true.
Where will all this ambition end? It’s difficult to say. But, last night I had a dream about a pretty blonde-haired lady, a pink Mercedes and a house with an ocean view…