How to tell if your ebook sucks…

I’m back. I took a few months off from blogging to complete multiple projects including gaining ten pounds and undergoing treatment for post traumatic stress syndrome, induced by several forced visits to the state of Rhode Island. While I was gone I also completed my latest and greatest novel, BILLY GRIST, which hits the virtual stands on 3-15-13. It’s a tale that makes fun of the Big Guy, so if there is a set of pearly gates, I’m in big trouble. Very big trouble…

After completing BILLY GRIST, I was fairly certain it was a decent book. But I’m open to the possibility that it sucks. I say this because once I finish a book, I have no idea if it’s any good, all that writing and re-writing. Thus, my goal is to make sure, at minimum, my books are professionally written. I then leave it to my readers to tell me if the story is worthwhile. But even then I’ve found it’s difficult to tell if I’ve written a stinker because folks, in general, don’t like to insult an honest effort. Knowing this, having written four books now, I can finally decipher most reader comments. Thus as a service to my fellow indies, I’ve compiled a list of comments that are sure fire indications that your book sucks:

Kind indications that your book sucks:

1. “It’s not awful.”
2. “I like the title.”
3. “I found a couple typos.”
4. “Not bad for your first book?” (And it’s your fourth.)
5. “Was it originally written in another language?”

Not-so-kind indications that your book sucks:

1. After reading your ebook I dipped my Kindle in a Fryolator;
2. I printed out your ebook and used it to line my hamster’s cage.
3. Negative Five Stars.
4. My friend says you’re a talentless hack.
5. My favorite sentence was “The End.”