The Next Big Thing – An Interview Chain

JF Juzwik sent me this question list a couple days ago. A network of Indies are answering the following ten questions and then passing them on to five other indie authors. You can see JF’s answers at her blog,

1. What is the working title of your book?
BILLY GRIST. It will be available in 2013.

2. Where did the idea come from for the book?
The death of a friend. Tower 2. 9/11. I’m still pissed off about it.

3. What genre does your book fall under?
Comic Fiction.

4. Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?
Tough one. Billy Grist is a man-boy. Gotta go with Justin Bieber.

5. What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?
We really don’t know sh&**t about anything.

6. Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?
I have no interest in using an agency, ever. I am an Indie. I self publish.

7. How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?
Six months. And the first draft was terrible. It was 75,000 words. The final draft will be special I think…I hope…

8. What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?
I can’t really say. Maybe Blue Beard by Kurt Vonnegut. BILLY GRIST has diverse plot lines that come together in the end.

9. Who or what inspired you to write this book?
Greed and stupidity. BILLY GRIST was my first book. I thought I could write a best-seller, but I quickly recognized the folly. But, a funny thing happened along the way. I found I enjoyed writing. So, I plan to keep doing it regardless of sales. It was really quite a surprise for me. I never dreamnt of being a writer. Now, I think I’ve sold enough books to call myself one. (Hundreds not thousands.)

10. What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?
The book will be a comic fiction masterpiece. I’m going to do rewrites until it’s perfect. The rewrites may take most of 2013. Per Larry Bird. “It’s not bragging if it’s true.” BILLY GRIST will be great, even if nobody buys it 🙂

Per the rules of this game, I have forwarded this interview to five other indie authors, who may also answer these questions, if so moved. These authors include: Russell Blake, the author of countless awesome thrillers, including JET. Peter Palamountain, who wrote a very interesting and inspring book about the perception of austistic youth, Show Me Your Face; Gae Lynn Woods, the author of the amazing The Devil of Light; JJ Toner author of some great short stories, and the Ben Jordan thriller, Find Emily; And, Carrie Rubin, physician and author of The Seneca Scourge, which I am enjoying now.

W4$
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How to host your own indie web site.

Fellow authors, I just upgraded my web site. I use WordPress. I started out with WordPress.com, the free site. I just migrated to WordPress.org. I did this because I wanted to use an Amazon widget to sell my books from my own web site. I also wanted to eliminate ads and be able to make my own widget to do my own promotions.

To make this change I needed to host the site myself, so I purchased a hosting account at Bluehost.com. I then paid a WordPress “Happiness Engineer” $129 to migrate my site. This service can be purchased at the WordPress store.

I’ve created several web sites in the past and usually any form of migration is a complete disaster. But, in this instance, the transition was pain free. Bluehost has a great hosting backend. And, my Happiness Engineer did the transfer over a two-three hour period with minimal downtime. I was very impressed and currently believe it was the best $129 I ever spent.

Once the transfer was made, I modified the layout of my site by editing the style.css file. This file controls the placement of content. This took two hours of trial and error. But, you could preview your changes so I did not have to destroy my live web site during the process. I then plopped in the Amzaon widget. Very easy.

I then downloaded a free plug-in called Contact Form 7. And, I used this form to create my own Free Ebook Promotion. This promotion enables my visitors to download one FREE ebook for joining my email list. I’m doing this for I believe, some time in the not so distance future, email will be the most important means of selling an ebook.

I’ll keep you posted as I continue to upgrade my web site. If you have any questions, you can reach me at Wright4bucks@gmail.com

(No jokes today. Just advice.)

W4$

 

Ebook Marketing Math…

Per my earlier blogs, in addition to being the “bon” in bon vivant, an Irish bullshitter, a comic fiction writer, and a father to lil’ ones, I also consider myself a bit of a numbers guy, a mathematician of sorts. Being so, like any good mathematician, I frequently use numbers to avoid reality. Take my current foray into numerology. Recent sales of my comic fiction epic, THE GENERAL STORE, suck. I sold two copies so far this month, and one was to me.

Not good.

A normal person, unskilled in the ways of mathematics, would simply conclude THE GENERAL STORE is pure garbage. But me, being a math dude…I think something else is going on here.

Here is my math.

1. There are 300 million people in the United States (roughly).

2. 50 million people know how to read.

3. 15 million people know how to read english.

4. 1.5 million of the 15 million readers own Kindles

5. 100,000 of 1.5 million people read ebooks written by Indie Authors

6. 95,000 of 100,000 remaining readers only read ebooks about teenage vampires falling  in, and out, of  love.

7. 50 readers (1% of the remain remaining 5,000 readers) will scroll through 300,000 books to find my masterpiece at Amazon.com

8. 5 readers (10% of the remaining 50 readers) will be open to reading a book that has the word “erection” in its first sentence.

In short, my math shows the total market for THE GENERAL STORE is five readers.

Hmm, God dammit. One out of five readers have bought THE GENERAL STORE. I have a best-seller on my hands!

It’s true! The numbers never lie.

🙂 W4$

 

Writing with Bees

Fellow Indies writers, and snobbish literati who give away your work to the paper-pushers for a measly ten percent, I’ve stumbled across a tremendous writing aid that I feel obliged to share with you.

If you’re like me, married with children, your biggest problem is finding time to write: kids yelling about their most recent light saber injury, the wife testing your fatherhood/manhood by asking you to pave the driveway with a rolling pin, etc., etc… You know the deal. To solve this problem I usually write from three to five in the morning, a time when children only wakeup to throw up, or scream about the family of Zombies living under their beds.

Well, I’m pleased to report; I recently stumbled upon a cure for this problem.

Bees! Yes. Bees.

I write in my basement, in a big office, in a big house, not paid for with my ebook royalties 🙂 This fall, about forty-five days ago, my office became infested with bees. Being an Irish bullshitter (See my previous post.) this means about ten to twenty bees. I’m sort of easy going about most things, including bees. So, I let the bees swirl about me. Two times bees got into my pants, but I smushed them before they reached my testicles. And, I got bit once, on the arm. No big deal.

It was all worth it, for the cohabitants of my dwelling, a.k.a. my family, are deathly afraid of bees. Accordingly, they did not come within thirty feet of my office. In short, they left me alone. I could write for a whole hour without interruption. It was a dream come true.

Sadly, last night, the temperature went down to forty in Western Massachusetts. So, as I am writing this blog, my bees are stationary at my feet. I considered attempting CPR, but I think my mouth is too big. Alas, it appears my bee gig is up. So, I think I need to move on… time to begin writing with snakes!

W4$

Kiss Me! I’m…

I was working on my new web site (It’s going to be optimized for indie publishing – stay tuned…) when I noticed I had made a tremendous mistake. I had forgotten to include my nationality in my current bio. I write offensive comic fiction, in the hope of attracting hate mail, yet I had failed to provide the basic info required to inspire race-based hatred, which we all know is the force that keeps the world on its axis. My apologies. This blog corrects this terrible oversight.

Since I, Wright Forbucks, am the “bon” in bon vivant, I’m sure most of you have assumed I am a Frenchie or perhaps of Northern Italian descent. Worse, I’m certain others of you have assumed I was Eastern European, figuring my warped brain was the byproduct of a half a century of internment in a Soviet Gulag. Further, I’m certain the ten people that read EVEN STEVEN, my sci-sigh comic fiction masterpiece, assume that I am a Jew due to my Einstein-like understanding of particle physics. These are all good guesses, but the truth is I am Irishman. And, I am not the the average American-Irishman that’s twenty-five percent Irish, plus some of dis, and some of dat. I be a purebred, proof being a recent MRI which revealed my head was solid bone.

Since it tis what it tis, for those of you unfamiliar with a real Irishman, I offer the following characteristics and welcome you to use them as fodder against me should my fiction inspire a rant.

First of all, a real Irishman is a bullshitter. So, you’ll never be able to tell when we are telling you the truth. In fact, the only statement you should believe when talking to a real Irishman is “I got sh**faced last night.”

And speaking of drink… it’s advisable to never go drinking with a real irishman unless your health insurance is up to date, for even the frailest Irishman can drink his body weight in beer without fear of a hangover. In fact, we rather enjoy listening to our non-Irish “drinking buddies” heave about while we enjoy a traditional Irish breakfast, a can of corned beef hash and a warm Budweiser.

And speaking of health… a real Irishman never goes to the doctor unless we have a tumor that weighs more than a Volkswagen, or we have been shot more than three times. Doctors say bad things. Who needs them?

And speaking of death… a real Irishman is relentlessly fatalistic. In fact, when we answer the phone we do not say, “Hello.” We say, “Who died?”

Also, speaking of death again, it being our favorite topic… It’s the hope of any real Irishman to die of Irish Alzheimer’s Disease. This illness is characterized by a decade of sitting in a Lazy Boy Recliner (where you are occasionally spoon-fed boiled dinner by one of your thirty grandchildren). Symptoms of this disease also include the inability to remember the names of your spouse or children, but total recall of all grudges.

Also, most tragically, due to ancestors that include Joyce, Shaw, Wilde, Stoker, and similar riff raff… any real Irishman believes he can write. But, the truth is, when it comes to writing, most of us are hacks that have more ego than brains who think we are witty due to the cumulative effect the above mentioned attributes…

Hmmm, you might want to use that one against me…

W4$

Free Ain’t What It Used to Be – Ebooks versus Snack Food

This blurb is a continuation of my prior post about free ebooks…

As far as I can tell, free isn’t getting any better. To complete my Amazon/KDP free “promotion” of my still unreviewed comic fiction masterpiece, THE GENRAL STORE, I ran two final days of free. I did a few tweets to promote the offering, nothing else, and got twenty downloads. This was about 10X-100X lower than the past with the same level of promotion.

I like to think these results did not happen because my amazingly hysterical ebook totally sucks. Instead, it seems to me that many readers now feel free ebooks are worth less than the fraction of a fraction of a penny it takes to store them on their Kindle’s hard drive. I think this is happening because the free ebook market is max’d out.

Ultimately, my just completed ebook freebie-thon reminded of a recent child-rearing experience…

I have three boys. Two are teenagers. They eat a lot. So, the other day I went to BJ’s and bought massive quantities of snack food, a box of that contained three hundred little bags of Cheez-Its, a crate that contained five hundred sleeves of good old-fashioned Oreos (not the shitty blond ones), and a thirty-eight gallon bag filled with smaller bags of chips and cheesy-crunchy things that looked like mini colons. I then went to Home Depot and bought some plastic shelving. After a few hours of sweat, I put the snacks on the supposedly “easy to assemble” shelf and told da boys to “load up!” They’re skinny as hell, but can out-eat an NFL lineman, so I was expecting them to empty the shelves in a couple days. Instead, an amazing thing happened. And, I’m not making this up. They barely touched the snacks. The same items they would have wiped out in a few minutes if I bought a smaller quantity were totally ignored.

They knew a large supply of snacks were available. So, they were in no rush to eat them.

W4$

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